Rajapaksas Are My Gods
By Jagath Asoka -January 16, 2014
Dr. Jagath Asoka
My sweet Gods, hhm my hordes, I really want to see you Goads; I really want to love you my hordes, but it took so long my hordes, Halleluiah, Mage Mamas, Mage Horas (a Hymn by Asarana Dr. J. H. U. Gay Wimal Gammanpila)
Dr. Mahinda and Gotabaya Rajapaksa are my Gods. Yesterday, I converted my house into Rajapaksa-Temple-Shrine: I burnt all my books, threw all my statues of gods and goddess, built two statues of Mahinda and Gotabaya in front of an eternal flame, and started looking at them, with adoration, without blinking my eyes; I do not eat, sleep, or make love because I am in love with my Gods, transfixed with absolute fear and adoration.
So all you idiots out there, stop blaming my Gods and start worshipping them, 10 times a day, because five is not enough; turn your heads towards their Rajapaksa-Temple-Shrine and pray! You must worship their entire family because they are the Pantheon of Gods in this universe; why are you blaming my Gods for everything that has happened since this universe was—some 15 billion years ago—created by them with aBig Ban. My Gods, I am going to visit Sri Lanka soon, please permit me to take a photograph with you, because I want the entire world to know that you are my Gods. With this picture in my hand I can rule this world. I want to make 7 billion copies of your photo—both of you together in it—and distribute it to every single citizen on this planet earth; if necessary I will send them to other planets as well, so that they can pray to both of you 10 times a day; all the temples, churches, synagogues, mosques, and kovils must get a copy so that people can worship you, along with their other gods; Muslims and Jews will obey, too, even though it is a sacrilege to worship pictures in mosques and synagogues.
I am the first one to build this Temple-Shrine for Rajapaksa, not CUDU DHUMINDA. Your temple has no doors and windows; always open for public. You crazy Sri Lankans from all over the world, visit Rajapaksa Temple-Shrine in Newtown, PA, USA; if you do not have money, do not worry Mihin Lanka is giving free tickets, liquor, and even prostitutes during your plight; they will build a new airport tomorrow in Newtown and provide Mercedes Benz cars, food, liquor, sex with unlimited amount of women of all races, and Viagra, if you cannot get an erection. China is providing funds for this project; this is not another Chinese loan that we will not be able to pay back with prostitution; this is a gift from China, not a bribe. If you want to visit the Rajapaksa Shrine, please send a money order to the following email address: theognostic@gmail.com. If you want to bring cash, please bring it with you and give it to my son before you enter. We accept all currencies. If you do not have money, please do not worry. Chinese-Rajapaksa-Fund will give it to you; just worship them every day, at least ten times a day for a week to see magical results; you, your children, siblings, relative, and friends will never have to work anymore if you worship my gods. If you have any enemies, just let my gods know, and they will make them disappear without a trace just by mentioning your enemies’ names. CIA, KGB, FBI, and MI5 work for my Gods.
